Mighty, To answer your question about MLCers saying things out of spite sometimes. Yes, they do and it's to get a reaction from you. The more you react to their comments and behavior, the more they are aware that you are still there for them. Yes, it's crazy, but your reactions speak louder than words because it tells them we still care. Detachment will help w/that because the more you detach, the less you will react to his comments and/or behavior.
You have to remember that even though he is an adult, he is living as a teenager, which may prove to be that he's more immature than your youngest child. Kids say and do things to get their parents' reactions at times.
Book a trip and enjoy yourself. Any idea where you would like to go?
As for him starting over w/a new family...it's all a new experience for him and he's self medicating w/this adventure. The euphoria of this new life may become dull and routine in time. Starting over at his age will not be as much "fun" as it was when he was actually first married to you. He's going to find out that his so called freedom is actually the ball and chain of existence in time.
Let him go! Even though you aren't trying to physically fix him and situation right now...you are still trying to do so mentally. You are giving him and the "ow" far too much head space, head space that could be better utilized by you to take care of yourself and start living again.
Mighty, when they come sniffing around again, saying the words you want to hear, it's far more difficult the second time around to detach because you've begun to heal and think that they are truly back for good. Your heart and soul take a beating once again. Your xh will not make a decision as long as both of you and the ow are in the picture. When you completely pull back from him and his situation, he will then have to start looking at what he had and what he has now. Right now, he has had the best of both worlds and it's important to take the plate, cake and fork away from him. As long as he's able to come and go, do things w/you and you are readily available to him, he'll continue down this path. That's why it's important to let him go!
Mighty, it's time to think of you and what you want to do w/your life in the present time. The future will take care of itself. But your xh, well, it's going to take time for him to decide what he wants and who he wants to share his life with. Until his decision is made....live your life to the fullest and for YOU, not him!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
