Does MLCer do things out of spite sometimes? I mean, I know it doesn't matter or anything, but I wonder if some decisions are fro reactions.
Or to say F it.
All week, xh has not really spent time at hww. He has gone there, but not much. And, of course, I haven't really talked to him.
Yesterday, my hunch was that I wouldn't hear from him. I didn't until yesterday around 5. He asked where he was picking up d13. I didn't respond to his text right away. So he called. I definitely wasn't about to pick up the phone. So he called s17. I told s17 that she gets done a 5:30 or 6 and where. Then I thought about it, and remembered that it was 6pm, for sure bc her coach had texted that time. So, I did let him know that... it was 5:30 and the location.
He didn't respond. That's not normal for him. Then he dropped d13 off and went straight to hww's and did not come home until this morning to get ready for work. He just picked up d13 to take her to get hot chocolate and a doughnut with her friend. But he is going to be late for work bc he got back from hww's later than usual and he promised to take d13.
I guess I won't mind read, but I feel like it was an intentional action to fire me up. I'm not really. I mean, its not a great feeling, but I have to keep perspective. But, he's not going to get a reaction from me. It's not my problem anymore. I wonder if he is testing me still... so see if I am totally out or not.
OR, he just wanted to stay there! Quite possible.
I'm booking a trip today. It's so cold out... school was canceled. I just have to get out of the paralyzed feeling. If I really look into it, it's like I don't want to do some of the things that we would do as a family. I think that's part of it. But I took a couple trips over the summer with the kids and it was fine.
Maybe there is a part of me that thinks he really wants to go or something... and I'm waiting for that? I don't know, but it's sick. It has to stop. I don't want him to go anyways. So why do I feel so stuck. What am I waiting for?
My life has been on hold... for what? And I feel like my life will never pick up again. It's a terrible thought, I know. Sometimes I think that the life I can have in front of me isn't the one I want. Like, I don't move because 1.) I don't know how to. 2.) I feel stuck and don't know where to go. 3.) I don't find anything motivating. 4.) It's not the life I want.
EEEEEEwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.... I hate that person ^^^^^. I do! It is pathetic. I am just having such a difficult time figuring out what there is for me out there.
And if he was so messed up and confused, then how can he be happy and get the opportunity to start over with a new family? Like this ones does not exist. Maybe it was just me. I mean, he said it wasn't and that I didn't do anything wrong. That it was all him. So, what? He is just more attracted to her? WTF is it?
He said he always felt like he was in trouble with her. And she had to control everything. Including his r with the kids. Sure she was fine with him being with the kids... as long as it didn't put her out of her comfort zone... as long as she could control the sitch as best as she could. Otherwise... it wasn't happenin. But he now says the total opposite and is a blind dummy. She has so much control and power over him. Even he says that he just doesn't know what it is about her. It's infuriating to see this girl, who is closer to my son's age, have such an impact on my family. He is so weak and it is so unattractive. I just don't get it, you guys. At all.
