The Owl and the Pussycat

[Lyrael]

Hiya Bets and Dazed -
Thanks for the cheerleading - it really helps. I kind of threw out the rule book this weekend and just winged it as best I could. I am working on my attitude right now.

Nope, my H isn't exactly as I'd like him to be. There are things he does that just drive me up the wall, and things he does that could potentially really hurt us financially, but my primary goal rigth now is to create a safe space for him to share what's going on in his life and through his head with me, and by golly, he is doing just that.

Case in point - he let me know last night as we were leaving for a visit to his aunt that he needed to be back at work by 7 (which kicked my Peeve-O-Meter up about twelve notches, since it was 5:30). Then he quickly assured me it was about a car, and not about Everquest or anything like that.

I said "Oh, you're letting someone look at the blue car?" (we're selling it)

H: No, it's about buying one.

M: I just know there was a vein already starting to throb in my head. How much?

H: $1500.

M: Keep in mind that we are supposedly setting aside money to file a bankruptcy, buy a new washer and dryer, and pay off some bills that desperately need attention. WHAT?!? What about the bankruptcy, and our bills, and I continued on, escalating into screaming.

Everything went to hell from there, and then it got to (like it always does) "Okay, fine, we'll just file for D." Then we kind of look at each other, and I at least realize that isn't what I want, so I better get creative and figure out a way to fix what I just did.

So on the way to his aunt's house, I told him "If you really want this car and feel like you have a workable financial plan for getting it, you go for it." And I meant it. He acknowledged that I made my point, and he would think about it. He put in a bid on the thing, and we were online together when he did. I validated the hell out of him, shared his excitement, and shelved my absolute outrage that he would consider buying a wrecked car off of e-bay, that was somewhere in CLEVELAND, just because it was the same gorgeous kind he had to leave behind in Hawaii when he moved away from there. To him, this car was really important. So he bid on it, but at the last second someone else put in a bid five hundred dollars higher, and they won. I validated his disappoinment, and just said "sounds good to me" when he said "I'll just ahve to save my pennies." No I told you so's or gloating or anything mean like that.

So I screwed up by getting anry in the firs place, but damn it, I am learning. He is who he is right now, and I am the one that has the tools to change myself and work on my acceptance of the situation. So that is what I am going to do. And last night I was positivel bubbly when he came home (at 1AM ) and he was thrilled with that. I was happier because instead of fighting how things were, I just accepted them.

I still need to go to bed earlier, and I still need to do a better job with my house, but I am learning, and if that isn't progress, well, I don't know what is.

Hugs to all,
Myrrh