Complex, all that you are feeling is normal. You can now see why we all say to you to detach for your own sanity. You have to separate your feelings, because it will eat you inside if you don't. And as I said in one of my previous answers, it will lift a HUGE weight of your shoulders when you do.
Just give it time. And time is something you have a lot of now. Don't sit home alone feeling sorry for yourself, go out, mingle, go to the gym, even if you don't feel like it at the moment. Fake it until you make it.
I see you are hurting inside when your W goes out, you want to believe her, and you pray to god that she isn't doing anything. The sad truth is you really cannot believe her at this time. Just accept that your W as you knew her, checked out and there is currently another person, an alien, invading her body.
Trust nothing she says and only half of what she does. Believe me, I know how you feel, but you must believe me IT DOES GET BETTER. Just give it time.
And oh yeah, do not ask here where she is going, who with, when she's coming back, do not wait up for her, remember, she WILL LIE to you, even if she's been honest before the BD.
Read up on boundaries and do ask questions. No one here will judge you, we understand EXACTLY what you are going trough...
