“Creating a new reality for the child that excludes his or her relationship with the other parent.” – I guess I’m guilty of that. I took my son to another country, away from his biological father. His dad called my son on New Year’s and on his B-day. That was it for communication for a few years. And then it went to zero. My son’s dad was never interested in his son anyway. So, does it make me guilty anyway? Just a rhetorical question anyway.
So, here is what I felt today. I could not resist and looked on H’s FB again. I saw that he is now friends with our former massage therapist girl. Boy, it brought some unpleasant memories. She went to the vacation home with him and his GF a long time ago, when we were still in a “good” marriage. She was supposed to go with her boyfriend, but he canceled and she took her girlfriend. I didn’t go at that time. So, I was very uncomfortable with this whole thing. The massage girl staying at our condo with her GF and my H, without me. I really had a hard time back then. I still remember the feelings.
Plus, on his FB yesterday she was making comments about wanting to come to the vacation home place again. So, my first though was to find the way to prevent that from happening.
So, this morning all that stuff was flashing through my memory and I was a bit agitated. And then… I went to work… I was busy all day… On my way back home I started to think about what I saw on the FB. And then, unimaginable happened! I was like “what is a big deal anyway”… Whatever… He can have a massage girl, a drunken b!tch from his drunken crowd, a trashy woman, a “whatever”… I don’t care anymore. Seriously, I didn’t think I could feel like that in a matter of hours after feeling hurt. I think I’m into something here
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
About parenting - what we need to do is take responsibility for our actions. If one parent absents themself, effectively, from a child's life, we are not the one doing the excluding.
Again, if the children are adult, I think it is OK to discuss the strong probability of MLC with them.
If one parent voluntarily excludes themself from their child's life, all the other parent can do is keep the door open for a change of heart, and not plant false ideas (either pessimistic or optimistic) in a child's head.
just my 2 c. Don't beat up on yourself. Children can easily feel it is their fault if one parent is not in their life.
I agree with Beatrice: I think it is important to distinguish between actions that you do that distance your S from his father and actions that your H does. Obviously if your H is not taking an interest in your S, that is his loss.
What is it about FB that is sooo difficult to resist? I blocked my W and OM to eliminate any temptation to check. I am really struggling to detach. You might consider doing the same if it is causing you to obsess.
This time a month again… Received text from H that he transferred money to my account. This time it followed by “Hope alls well”. Progress? NOT! He just a happy camper after his vacation trip with his friends.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I think that when someone has so little to offer emotionally, they try to compensate for it in other ways. It is usually a pathetic attempt, but it is the best they can offer.
My W is a SAHM. She has a small home business that has barely made a penny in 2 years. Yet whenever she puts a deposit in the bank, usually a pittance, she sends me a text to let me know. I always feel like she is saying: "See how kind I am? Don't hate me for what I am doing to you". It is the best she can do. Our spouses need to believe that they are behaving decently.
