I was obviously more upset/"freaked out" than I realized, because when I signed off the computer with him, I started snooping. And of course, when you're looking, you always find something.
About four days after my H moved back in, he spent what, for us, was a large amount of money, and didn't say anything to me about it. Well, my phone magically morphed from a pumpkin back into a phone, and I called him and asked "did you spend money on X?" He said "no." And I asked him again "did you buy X?" And he said no again.
So I told him I knew he was lying and let him have it with both barrels. The incredible anger from both of us was because this particular situation touched on two of our most sore spots - my not giving him privacy, and him using said privacy to lie and hide things.
I can't do a damn thing about him lying - I didn't confront him in a way that could allow him to be anything other than PA. I could have approached it so much more constructively, if I chose to approach it at all. Apparently he knew I had been snooping (I had that issue beaten, and now al of a sudden its rearing its ugly head again), and hadn't said anything to me about it because "he didn't want to start a fight."
So I am pretty PO'd - at him and at myself for such a massive dbing nosedive. Instead of throwing in the towel (both of us were ready to do that for awhile last night), I am going to make a plan for the next few days.
I have let things get incredibly out of whack in my life since H came back, and I really need to address that. So here's the plan: 1: Today I am going to do the laundry that's been waiting for two weeks. I am also going to the library to get a couple of M/R books I have been wanting to read. I am getting off the computer at 10:30pm sharp, and my behind will be firmly in bed by midnight at the latest. Once I am off this computer, the phone is a pumpkin that has sprouted wings and flown away. 2: Tomorrow I have plans to go see "The Passion of the Christ" with some family - H and S will be staying home. I am going to keep those plans, and also go to church in the evening (it's easier for me to go Sat night than wake up early every Sunday). During Sat I am going to try and get my kitchen somewhat closer to being cleaned up. I will be off the comp by 10:30 and the phone, well, you know... 3: Sunday I am going to go in to work at 9am - my job hasn't exactly been my highest priority lately, and my performance has shown it. I am going to get an expenses report that has been hanging over my head done. I'll go home when I get that done, and I hope we will still have our regular Sunday family night. If I have time that day, I am going to attempt to work on S's room. 4: On Monday, I am going to work at 9am, and am only going to post on the BB at lunch - my computer time has gotten kind of out of hand lately, and I need to fix that. That evening I will work on S's room again if I have the energy. Same computer logoff/phone transmogrification will happen.
And so on and so forth - you'll notice none of these says anything about H, and that's because I think the root of the difficulties we are having (besides him being dishonest about a certain purchase) is mostly because I am trying to keep my husband's schedule instead of mine, and I can't do that. I am not taking care of myself like I need to, and that has to change. I still haven't given up. Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
