As far as my anger, I think it's a combination of both, but much deeper in loss of the family. I guess the reason for this is that I'm almost willing to look past the A as multiple bad decisions. I guess I'm still in denial,with that, but I can say I only rarely feel the deep hurt of betrayal. The only reason for that is that I feel I need to suppress that for trying to preserve my family. I guess with her and her religion, it's almost feels like another farce that is going on right now. I know I need to get to the point of forgiveness regardless of the outcome, but I feel that the devastation that this is doing to my family is preventing that. S5 was praying tonight that we could get back togehpther and said that since daddy still likes mommy, he wants mommy to like daddy back. These things tear me up inside.
As far as parenting, I need to walk a careful line. I think In the beginning, I definitely was too critical on some of the parenting, which definitely contributed to bolstering how she felt before she left. I look at these things and daycare sees the same thing as me, a huge change in her parenting style, but I haven't seen anything that crosses the line. It's just another contribution to the weird behavior that she has portrayed.
One of my friends was talking about his ex-wife who, was a pretty bad alcoholic. He said that he tried everything at first to try and protect the kids from her, but the more he tried to keep them sheltered, the more she pushed. He said once he backed off, she lost interest and was overwhelmed with them and ended up backing off in custody anyway. Interestingly, he said that when he went to get the courts to intervene, they leaned so much to W's position that he finally had to get a protective order for his daughter and they still wouldn't give him custody.
That is way more extreme from my W sitch and I realize that as long as she wants to be part of their lives, the kids deserve to be with there mom. It's tough to come to grips with that, but it's best for them.
With my W, I hate to say that I anticipated this, in that her personality is that when she wants something; she puts every waking moment into getting it. I think this translates to the kids, she's preoccupied with trying to figuring out her life right now and unfortunately it's causing her a lot of stress for the kids. The month or so before BD (after the hotel room for OM that she said he didn't go) she was acting the same way, very short temper and lack of patience for the kids. I thought it was stress at work and was the main reason that I asked her why she seemed so distant for the last month which led to the BD.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
