Feeling a little better today. But, something happens... in the evening?? I mean... total crash.
Still feeling the void, but not caring as much. But, what's ironic is the void itself. The void of what? Something based on false premises? Of a void of something that wasn't. Void of what wasn't. Ugh. But, I feel OK most of the time during the day.
But, I think night is torture in a way. I know it doesn't have to be. But, I'm still figuring that part out. I'm better. I know it and I can feel it.
But I feel like my body is like... different people.... going through different things. I'm fine, then happy, then sad, then lonely, then desperate feeling, then angry, then rejected, then fine, then pi$$ed, then defeated, then fine, then heartbroken, then confused, then sick feeling, then ok. That's all in a matter of like 10 minutes. JK, just cycles throughout the day.
Really- I think part of me feels totally paralyzed. That's the biggest thing.
Paralyzed, confused, hurt. But, I do feel a major sense of relief in keeping my distance. It makes things so much easier. And better. And, I just see him for who he is right now. Ick. I could possibly see myself being with someone who may be better for me. I'm not looking to jump into anything like that, but maybe some day.
Tonight, I'm gonna chill with my kids. Snuggle up. It's like zero degrees outside.
