Oh, Susana! (3)

[susana4]

Susana,

You're getting a lot of advice, some conflicting.
DB to me is about:

Healing the broken parts of ourselves so that we can be our best self.
Feeding our relationships in the places they need it.
Being strong, self-loving, self-respecting so that is exactly what we project.
Not playing games. Being true to ourselves, and accepting the other person where they are without anger or judgement.
Pursuit of the relationship says you're not listening to their reality.
Doing what is good for us first. Putting the oxygen mask on in that way.
Stop doing things that don't work.
Make the changes you need to - for yourself first, and demonstrate them.
Validating in the spirit of unconditional love.

All of that looks different for each and everyone of us. Our situations are similar, but no two people here have the same relationship. You know in your heart what made you and H tick, and what probably destroyed you guys.

In DR, I read the chapter about Carol and Dean almost daily, to see what strong DB looks like when things seem desperate. It helped me a lot.

For practical matters of texts, emails...keep it light, infrequent. Your mental health first!

Hugs. That door is open. Hang back a bit and keep thinking, working on you.

Thanks Z. I really like your list. It is a bit confusing sometimes with conflicting advice (I get drawn in all different directions), so at that point it's probably time to reflect and introspect. That's a great list of principles to keep in mind.

I just reread the chapter with Carol and Dean. Think I will earmark that too!

That door is open. Hang back a bit and keep thinking, working on you. - I think this is where I have been struggling, I just worry if I hang back too much the door will close completely.