Wife having emotional affair 5

[sandi2]

Sorry, Georgia, just now see your post. I've tried to find your story, but I must have missed it somehow. Anyway, I will try to respond to your points.

1. So, Sandi, if a criminal steals money from a bank and the bank tries to recover the money then the bank is stooping to the criminals level? I don't think so. She's HIS wife. HIS soulmate. To NOT seek the recovery of your God given spouse is neglect. In this case, she already thinks he neglected her so a proper 180 plan, I suggest, would involve doing the opposite.

No, the bank would not be stooping to the criminal's level, b/c the bank would not be stealing it back. The bank would not be doing what the thief did to get the money.

I am not debating about recovery, but I do not agree with your advice about "how" to get his wife back. Not if he is an upright person. He has three children watching their father, and what you are encouraging should go against his integrity. Sneaking around, encouraging her to keep secrets from the other guy, and acting as if they are doing something sinful, is not what a man of honor would do. He is the only parent left to lead those children in the right path of life.

2. He won't be mimicking OM's actions, just OM"s results of getting his wife to start relying on him emotionally again and stirring feelings for her husband again as he meets her needs in the manner she likes most as ONLY he can fill those needs. This isn't "lies and deceit" this is dating 101. It ain't the easy route. I did it and i've been recovered 100% for a decade. My wife and I help other couples now recover from infidelity in our real lives. If a husband doesn't value his wife enough to fight for her...who will?

Well maybe I misunderstood you, but this is part of what you said:

Why is it that OM's can "steal" the attentions and affections of our wives while our wives are in a relationship with us but then it's impossible for BH's to "steal" the attentions and affections of our wives back???

I'm suggesting you essentially "court" her away from OM just as he "courted" your wife away from you. How did he do that?

You MAY have an opportunity to cunningly and WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS meet some of her most intimate emotional needs in a manner she really really likes to a point that as her interests and excitement over the new relationship wanes even more and even faster as her feelings for you become restored and rejuvenated A BIT. Perhaps even you can get her to keep secrets from OM and then "sneak" around with you behind OM's back like an alpha male 100% confident that you are the better man (because you are).

You are attacking the affair just as OM attacked and undermined your marriage. If the affair ends THAT is progress and when recovery MIGHT commence but until then the affair continues.

To me, that is pretty much saying to use the same methods that OM used.

3. There is absolutely no indication that this wayward wife is a serial cheater addicted to "more excitement" and multiple affairs with multiple men. Let's help this poster get rid of OM#1 before we worry about OM#2 or OM#3. Thinking more about this ~~~~if this wayward wife IS a serial cheater and addicted to being in affairs then this betrayed husband is better off knowing that sooner rather than "standing" back GAL'ing silently hoping for recovery for the next 2 years with a wayward wife incapable of a monogamous relationship.

Look again at what I said. The excitement of the A is addictive. If her H uses the same methods as OM, then if she's not completely turned off by H, she'll be turned on to the thrill of feeling like her and H are being like her and OM were. That will be the drive.....it is the addiction of the "high". It won't be b/c H is a better man that than the other guy.....not when he mirrors the same behavior/techniques. You think she's going home to be a good girl just to be with him? Without any remorse, no regret, no consequences, no lessons learned? Just out of sheer love for him? Wait.....she's still wayward, right?

I dare say that there would be more risk in her seeking another "high" than her sitting around being a wholesome wife/mother, waiting for the rest of those somewhat restored feelings to kick in. I never said she was a serial cheater now, however, the reasons I just gave is a clear way for her to become one.

4. How do you still relate affairs and the phrase "more excitement"??? I find that very odd. Affairs are soul and relationship destroying travesties. I kind of find it disturbing and hurtful to imply that this man's betrayed wife is having fun or the time of her life. Affairs aren't exciting they ARE quasi-suicidal behavior. His wife is lying on the floor of a crack house and needs her husband to save her. She's high on the drug of an affair so relating to her rationally is out the window so you have to be cunning to attract her away from the OM and to a safe place where you eventually sober her up and THEN work on healing your relationship with her.

5. Remorse happens when she's in love with the man that loved her enough to save her from herself.

Are we still talking about a wayward WAW who is a drug addict?

6. Sandi, if your betrayed husband didn't do this for you, I am sorry.

No need to be sorry for me. Really.