newcomer now receives mail in Hell

[bravo61]

My S let me know that she has my FB page blocked from her feed. He asked her if she ever sees the pics of our adventures and she said no they don't come up on her phone. Guess the things she is missing out on would be painful.

Second almost confrontation occurred when she wanted the kids on a Tuesday. The agreement gives me a minimum of two consecutive days but the yearly overnight totals are higher to factor in change in shift, sick days, just extra now and then but don't specify. For around the past month 1/2 I've had them from Sun-wed am. She's worked a lot (& gone out) so she decided that since she was working Wed-Fri, she wanted to see them more than just at bedtime. She told me on Fri that she wanted them. I kept my cool & stated that wasn't my preference(but knew I couldn't do anything bout it). I picked them up on Sun and she could tell I was still bothered. I don't said I'm gonna miss them on Tuesday. She looked me dead in the eye and said "I've missed them. I get a turn". I almost flipped my shi!t!!!!! Instead I gave no hug turned and walked away.

Randomly, the next day, she sent a text saying that she had gotten a massage that was covered by a gift cards that my D gave her for Christmas a d thanked me. I didn't respond.

So on Tuesday, she picked up D. She said I seemed mad. Told her I wasn't but that the I get a turn comment didn't sit right with me. She said that she "feels as if I'm mad". I calmly ask her if I've raised my voice or said any unkind thing to her to which she could only respond no (I said all with a wry smile and a quiet voice). I explained that I was sorry that she missed the kids & I understand I miss them too. But this is the choice that she made that we ALL have to live with. I asked her if she could put herself in my shoes how she would feel (she turned her head away at this point and cast her eyes down). She said that she's given me extra days, I told her I appreciate that & they also happened to coincide w/benefiting her(ie going out, working xtra shifts). I explained that even if I got them 3 days a week, she gets them four. What happens on my days I'm responsible for & vice versa.

Walked them out to the car and put D in. Asked her if they were gonna be around on Vday (had stuff for the kids). She said they will but she's going out to a tasting w/a female friend for a few hours so they'll have a sitter.

READ THAT LAST LINE AGAIN. I didn't say anything and I didn't lose my shi!t. I pick them up on Sun so she's giving up half of her only day off w/the kids to do that. After taking one of my usual days.
The kids notice stuff like that

She gave me a hug and thanked me for being gracious. Once again gave a smile & wave when she left.

Both of these occurrences were HUGE progress for me and total 180s from whom I used to be. I'm giving her an example to pattern herself after and if she chooses not to that fine, I'll still be a person I'm proud to be.