Told W I wouldn't be able to pick her up from the airport tonight and she called almost immediately, wanting to know "is something wrong"? The plan is to give her the clear and unequivocal statement tomorrow that my boundaries do not include an open marriage. I will then detach and give her space while I move forward and GAL. And on reflection, no sex either, as it seems to be part of the "cake and it too" thing she wants to get away with.
Have you prepared a "not willing to live in a open M" boundary to W yet? If not, you'll need support from us on a script for that.
You can just simply say, "It is not okay for me to pick you up from the airport after you've visited with OM. I am not okay with that. You need to make your own travel arrangements to home."
I would appreciate help formulating my statement of boundaries. I just said that I couldn't make it to airport because of work. I'm planning to do a more general statement of boundaries tomorrow, something along the lines of:
I am not willing to live in an open marriage and I am not willing to live in a marriage where you have an ongoing affair. Only you can decide what you need in this life, and likwise for me, so it looks like we both have some decisions to make. I will be giving you some time and space to figure out what you want. I have a marriage counselling appointment booked for next week, which I will be attending and you are welcome to come if you think it will be a help to you.
Does that seem ok? (Thanks to starsky and others for some of the language).
W has now called me twice to ask if everything's alright. The game is afoot, Watson! Can't decide if I should verbally confront W with boundaries or leave her a written version that she can read while I'm out GAL.
