Not trying to be a smart-a$$, but the key word is WAW/WW. Nothing changes as long as they are in that state.
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I thought that they where just starting to except that this was not their mom anymore.
How can kids, 6-9&13, accept it when adults can't handle it?
One of my adult children has gone through the same thing as you are. It is so hard to STFU when the kids tell off on the wayward parent. About all you can do is tell your kids you are so sorry and you understand them. I wouldn't try to defend her, b/c those actions can't be defended without your children turning against you, too. I say let them vent to you and don't prevent them from expressing how they feel. You will know where to draw the line if they go too far. Don't say anything bad against her, but don't defend her, either.
You've already tried to explain how their mother is making poor choices, is not herself, etc. It doesn't really help very much. It's a tough spot for you. Just be careful not to say too much.
You asked if the kids ever come back into their life, and I assumed you meant the WW's. But here's the thing....by the time she gets her life straightened up, the kids may not want back in her life. Especially the oldest one. However, (depending on the children) they may have that need for a mother's love & attention so strongly, they will try to get whatever they can from her.
She is destroying her R with them and losing out on their childhood. She may even get them back into her life some day, but not their childhood......unless she does a super fast job of getting out of her waywardness.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
