Part 12 - Contents may vary

[jim0987]

Edz, I've liked reading your situation and updates for a bunch of reasons as i've said a few times. the main one being the growth in you that is really really obvious. your doing a great job particularly with your S.

although its very different your post a couple up is one of your best to my mind and for a whole bunch more reasons but it has engaged my mr fixit. Hopefully you dont mind me giving him a little bit of exercise.

she just seemed to hate saying no to anyone (bar me).

So you talk about how she could say no only to you. what is great here is that to my mind (and others may think im delusional) but this shows she really loved you, enough to feel comfortable and that she could be herself around you. You were one less thing to worry about in an ocean of worry. How you reacted is probably where some of the problems lie - you felt that she pushed you to the bottom of the pile - rather than saw it as being you being supportive.

how would you deal with this differently in future relationships?

Im not a fan of misogyny, my view was always share responsibilities unfortunately with our issues w felt i pushed everything s related to her

Yes definitely seen that in your posts. edz you come accross as a proper gentleman (the 'thing' is a great example). and i'll admit feeling a little worse about myself in comparison.

communication was part of it (a massive part) but generally i would say that poor communication was the warfare rather than the conflict. is there any chance that you resented anything that seemed higher in the pile than you?

And did you push it to wife or did you just leave it there for her to do?

(a) friend zoning myself which I had said I wouldnt do and was a boundry

So what is your boundary? Is it you dont want to be friends with your wife? or is it you dont want to be friends if she was dating someone else? and what do you see as the friend zone?

women (generalising) work on emotional connection to build attraction. she will need to feel safe and connected to you. my wife and I were friends for well over a year before we got together.

In the absence of OM, how would you see the relationship without growing without being friends?

I have no idea, genuinely. some people advocate no contact as a way to make them miss you but there seems to be warmth and care between you and so I think you need someone wiser and more experienced than I to weigh in.

(b) Im taking impacts of her decisions away

this is something you need to figure out and is probably worth exploring some more because she is leaning on you and financially more than she should. Its up to you if you are ok with that, but i'm not convinced you are.

in your response to my earlier post you said a few times about how your not pushing on a couple of these issues and to be honest i would say (and it might be me misreading tone) that the edz doth protest too much....

it might be time in the near future to figure out a strategy on this one.



I hope you dont mind me commenting/questioning like this but i thought what you said was really interesting

Confusing times

yep!