Jim0987 #12 - testing out Mk8's new features

[jim0987]

Hi Mozza, Some good questions there.

I was responding to someone elses observation about comments on these boards so i couoldnt say what the actual data says.

I will say from my own personal purely anecdotal experience guys tend to talk about relationships in terms of fun, excitement and meaning, where as women seem more about family and happiness.

I know my support network (male and female) has all said - take care of yourself, but dont rush into anything and you'll find someone else when your ready to (plus a lot of jokes about my lack of dating experience)

I also know my wifes support network (all female) were all 'you deserve someone who will make you happy', 'you should date', 'pursue OM1 because you deserve it' 'there is a guy out there for you'

as for the pressing physical desire, I have no idea whether its more pressing or not, I can only comment on how I feel and to be honest i've been pretty unsatisfied in that department for over 4 years now (the route of a lot of our M issues.)

I have desires but I find excuses not to meet them because of interdicts/fears that I carry in me.

for me you can add to the word desires, words like ambitions, goals, objectives, potential and all manner of other things. Its something I bought up with my IC that i want to explore more

so this is what i said to my IC
'I dont try because then i cant fail (be rejected) or if i do fail then i have the exuse that i wasnt really trying.'

So, is it possible that you're actually very afraid of dating, of exposing yourself to judgement and rejection from a plethora of women?

Definitely. I know i've said this before but I have never asked anyone out, never been on a date. I've been engaged twice but only once asked someone to marry me. So its a big unknown for me and i do fear that i'm not good/attractive/interesting enough.

Its why one of my friends suggested going speed dating, not to meet someone but just to get some practice at striking up conversation and working out what interests me (beyond are they interested in me)

I do sometimes put my wife on a pedestal but then again i believe she has some amazing qualities.

Also, what are those values that make you "stand for your M" in the context that you described? Where do they come from?

The top of this list is both straighforward and to me interesting. I made a commitment when i got married and i want to honour that commitment others my commitments dont mean anything AND i want my kids to have a single household with both parents.

Some of it i think comes from my childhood and the impact my parents divorce had on me, but also its about the image of my future that i had.

I want a lasting meaningful relationship with someone who shares my humour and makes small moments more enjoyable. I truly believed that was my wife.