Hey GGG, so glad to hear from you! Just to know you are well and moving forward is wonderful, thanks for updating. I completely understand why you stayed off the boards, it was the same reason I stayed away for six months. It is too sad sometimes - to read posts by people trying so hard, trying everything while their spouses are interested only in themselves and don't seem to be concerned about the pain they are causing - their cruelty to the people who love them the most is so difficult to read about.
My H is living a 'half life' in each of his worlds. He has his life in Moscow exactly as he wants it - having his A but not living with her, has his own apartment, pretending to me that he is not in a R with anybody - making sure that everyone over there who may be in contact with me keeps his secret (we went to his business partner's apartment for dinner - he lives with a young woman and they have a new baby - I saw a message he sent to his business partner asking if his partner was 'primed' not to tell me anything. Also thanking for him for uninviting another work collegue because he might have said something to me after a few drinks - what alot of effort he went to to ensure I wouldn't find out something I already know!).
At this stage I just feel sorry for him and even for her. I have so much more than either of them will ever have, a loving family and children who care so much about me and miss me when I'm away - I am not fake, I am not a liar, I am not a cheater. During the course of the meal I received a phonecall from a client - my H said who is that, I told him it was John and he laughed for the benefit of those present saying 'wondering who John is?' big joke suggesting I might be having an A, they all laughed - but the joke was supposed to be on me, being the only one in the room that didn't know about his A - Yet, I was the only one in the room who knew they were all lying. How very sad for all of them but most especially for my H - what a way to live your life - lying, cheating and making jokes about it in the presence of your wife of 25 years and the mother of your children.
Sorry for hijacking GGG, but suffice to say, I think I am where you are now - sad for my H, but see no improvement, no desire to be a better person, no ability to be in a comnmitted loving R with me or even with her - while I am detached and know who I am. I would end it now if it was just about me but I need to protect our youngest for as long as I can.
Like you, I wonder if this is the way he always wanted our M - I am useful, a good mother who looks after his children well, someone who will listen to his endless critisim of others ('so and so is such a liar' - how often do I hear that, the irony seems to be lost on him), someone who makes him look better than he is. I do know there is a good person in there, capable of love but he doesn't love himself and has embraced his 'shadow self' to the full. I have heard it said that 'if you do not see your shadow you are not standing in the light' - he sees his shadow and has chosen to live in the dark with it.....................
