Oh, Susana! (3)

[Complex]

After some talk to the vets about NC vs friendly contact I am also on the side that this is not benefiting you.
Do you think it is?
Because I don't. I've been EXACTLY where you are right now. Separated with friendly contact constantly. And it did NOT help...at all. N my case ok there was OM involved emotionally. But everythibv eventually lead to worsening everything. Now I am where you eventually will be soon.
So you can either follow through ad DB right even if it doesn't feel right at all, or you continue light contact, which will a) distract you from true detachment b) disrupt H own journey.
This is a long azz process Susana. I mean I'm not in your position and I don't know how your R with H exactly looks like right now, but you rather do NC than contact when in doubt! Curious about your coaches advice.
Denise right? She has a very positive attitude.

Mostly Susana, Starkys signature advice is golden: do what works! You can do sth, but you HAVE to keep track of the results and stop if it's either hurting your detachment or the "R". It requires a certain detachment already to have the 'awareness' you need to track what's working and how. Understand?
Also telling him that you've been to a counselor and that you are learning to be more positive doesn't do anything either. I wouldn't tell him that. He has to notice!!!!