Jim0987 #12 - testing out Mk8's new features

[Mozza]

So pondering all of this and where it fits into my own personal (and recently updated) values, and to be honest was drifting toward a '&%$£ it - I might as well start dating because at least it would be more fun and feels like a better option than trying to reconcile with someone who has made me pretty unhappy'

I've also started a reflection on flirting and dating recently (around the 5-month mark) so I'll follow yours closely. I find interesting your list of reasons why men seem ready earlier than women (I'd be curious to see actual data, especially knowing my WAW has a head start of at least 5 months...). You haven't included a more pressing physical desire, why?

Then today i came accross this quote which was attributed to John Stewart

'If you dont stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values, they're hobbies.'

that felt like poignant timing to me.

Let me share an idea that my IC told me months ago and that I haven't been able to get out of my mind: I have desires but I find excuses not to meet them because of interdicts/fears that I carry in me. He asked me, very early on, why I didn't want to seek other women. I told him I was afraid it would get in the way of R. Again, he challenged me saying that I was perhaps making up that excuse because I was afraid of my desires, especially now that the S had made them a possibility. Subjecting myself to rejection from women in whom I'm interested is now a very real possibility, so to avoid even the thought, I say that only my W is of interest to me. Or that I stand for my M. Or that it would push her farther away. Etc.

You're a self-described Nice Guy so it's also likely that you have a hard time acknowledging your needs and shamelessly seeking to meet them. Also, you often put your WAW on a pedestal in your posts, suggesting that she was too good for you, that you'll never find another woman who nearly as good. So, is it possible that you're actually very afraid of dating, of exposing yourself to judgement and rejection from a plethora of women?

Also, what are those values that make you "stand for your M" in the context that you described? Where do they come from?