I've been meaning to follow up on things, but I've been super busy the last few days. Let's see here...
Quote:
I'm interested in your take on trust. Are trust and security the same thing? I wonder. For me trust is the end result of a being in a place of security and confidence.
I think trust will be easier than we think. We're good people, and we see the good in people.
I think confidence is just trust in ourselves. Experience builds confidence, and we've just checked off a new set of boxes in the experience column, no? We're going to come out of this more confident. So far so good.
You set me back with the word security, though. I think we've forever lost our naïve notion that there is security. But the silver lining is this: Now we know that storms come. And we are better weather watchers now. And we have learned some things about mitigating damage early. So how's this -- we give up on the false notion of security and instead work toward a level of risk that we're comfortable with. The eternal optimist in me says this will work out fine. Things will be secure enough.
Quote:
I can see being totally neurotic about any future partner's texting and phone calls, regardless of how well they might behave.
Nope, you'll be fine. There's a big difference between "I'm your independent S, with healthy relationships outside of our M" texting and "I'm hiding an A" texting. Anyone, and I mean anyone who thinks they can hide an A from someone who has spent any time on this forum is a complete fool. So I don't think you'll be neurotic at all. You will know instantaneously with not so much as a conscious thought whether there is a concern. Won't come close to rising to the level of neurotic.
Quote:
I know I have a choice in this, but I worry that a casualty of this whole fiasco will be the affable, easy going Raliced.
I think the opposite. You're wiser. Seasoned. Better idea what you want and what you don't want. You're finding out what you need and now you know what you can do without. I think that lets us dump a whole lot of baggage that we've been lugging around for unknown contingencies. I think the opportunity is here to drop that weight and be even more easy going.
I think the key is to not get sucked in to any bitter, cynical victimhood, because that will cause us to scrutinize the hell out of any future relationship.
Quote:
I didn't get married until fairly late in life - and that was by design. I thought I chose carefully and well, and that we laid a solid foundation together, precisely to avoid the very situation I find myself in now. I'm having a moment where I feel like I flunked a big chunk of my life.
I did the same. In fact, I used to quip that my mid life crisis involved getting married. (The irony makes me lol.) But I don't doubt for a minute that I chose wisely. I'd remarry the person I married in a heartbeat. I had no way of knowing that 18 years later she'd slide off the road and have absolutely.no.idea.whatsoever how to right herself or who to turn to. Don't beat yourself up on your choice. Some things are latent, apparently, to all concerned.
Quote:
I'm toying with the idea of taking D6 up the hill and teaching her to ski. If she takes to it, it might well become a dangerous, expensive hobby that I regret - but I sure enjoyed skiing when I was a kid.
Do it. I implore you. I regret not starting D13 sooner -- she's not as intrepid as S9. I tell the kids they will be able to ski alone or with friends, all over the world for the rest of their lives - don't need a team or 5am ice time, just go. Check out liftopia. I've been getting phenomenal discounts by booking a few days in advance.
