Maybell XXIX

[Underdog]

It's all in how you manage to state YOUR boundaries.

I'd use words like "I need xxx" and go from there.

"Since we've had kids, you find excuses not to fulfill your responsibilities as a parent by spending time with him. It's been your choice to separate and divorce, and I've accommodated your wishes. However, I now have a problem being the parent who comes to the rescue. By divorcing, you need to share parenting responsibility equally with me. I understand the schedules need to be tweaked when you have to travel, but when you are home, I expect and need you to honor your commitment to parent with me. To be explicit, I expect you to follow through on the schedule we arranged. If this doesn't work for you, let's talk about it. But the days when you say jump and I say how high are over. If you are not willing to share parenting time with me in this manner, please let me know so we can discuss the options with the attorneys."

Put the ball in his court, Maybell. Let him know you are not jacking around on this topic. The state of Maryland happens to agree with your position.

I wouldn't say to him that his priorities are screwed up. We know that already. You get to tell him that he has the option to create a schedule to which he will commit and follow with all reasonable effort; otherwise, you will have the lawyer represent your interests in this regard. Read: reset custody and child support.

Don't offer commentary or sarcasm to him. I know it's tempting. But until you have some type of dictum, document the times he weasels out on his schedule. Then you have evidence to back up your statements of truth. Facts, ma'am. That's all they want.

You're not micromanaging things, Maybell. You're trying to create structure to a new type of family unit. It's normal.