SS, I dont think there is anything wrong with having hope. As long as it doesnt keep you stuck.
I have seen marriages restored and better than they were before. I also think some marriages arent meant to be saved.
To me, the goal of dbing is this. That we get good and strong and become who we were meant to be. So that when we decide whether we will continue to stand for our marriage, we do it from a place of strength and not fear.
No one..not your therapist, not me, or anyone else can tell you what will happen in the future.
What I can tell you is this. Worrying will have no effect on the outcome. But moving forward, making changes and letting go..can.
I believe the best chance anyone has of this turning around is when we allow them to walk their journey.
Your h is unhappy. He has decided it was you that made him so. But if you are no longer there to be the blame, then he may look within and figure himself out.
The holding on by us stops the forward motion in them.
If you decide that you want to continue to stand, you will have to let him see something different, over time. He has to see the changes are real. He has to see that it would be different if he wants back in.
But I dont care about him. I care about you. You have grown a great deal, S. You have looked within. You have learned new ways of reacting to him. You are figuring out who you need in your life. You are learning your worth. Dont sell yourself short, sweetie. That doesnt serve you well.
You just keep going, S. I'll be over here cheering you on.
