I've been a bit quieter than usual (though still reading around the boards) - i've found i just havent got as much to say but i think thats reflective of my reflectiveness.
I'm doing alright.
GAL wise could be better. the limitation imposed by the foot is starting to annoy me but i've also noticed im drifting back into old habits of procrastination and delay. I need to get back into this better. Really tired though so am going to spend the weekend sleeping and tidying the house.
today was another day with the kids which was really nice. D3 was exceptionally well behaved all day (apart from a minor disagreement over the eating of lunch) and as a treat i let her stay up and watch a movie with me (bit selfish because it just meant i had an extra 90 odd minutes of snug with her). Maybell, no idea if you read my thread but if you do ^^^^^ this is why i just dont get your H.
I'll drop them off tomorrow at nursery then i have another of the 5 day stints without them, so we will see how that feels.
I've not heard from my W since sunday evening and dont expect to. There are a couple of logistical bits i need to discuss with her but they arent urgent so I've decided that i will leave it for this week and so we should end up with the only contact being handovers on sunday.
The redirection thing she hasnt sorted yet (like she promised) but i've not chased her, I've simply lodged the dispute which means the mail will be held until its resolved. If she does what she agreed to do then there is no issue. This is more principle than anything else - I'm not going to just let her make changes regarding the kids without speaking to me AND if we agree something then i'm going to hold her to it.
triggered by questions people have asked elsewhere I've been wondering what an earth standing for the marriage means. In practice i'm stood passively to one side just quietly doing my thing while my wife moves on and is maybe with OM1 in the hoping that she 1) ditches OM1 (if that is still a thing) 2) is prepared to forgive me 3) finds respect for me, 4) decides she wants to work on the relationship with me 5) is able to tell me this (without SIL or PF changing her mind) 6) is prepared to do what it takes on her side
All so we can start the, by all accounts very difficult, process of piecing. and given that we are now seperated is that going to do more or less harm to my kids (especially if we cant get through piecing)
and then what? (in either direction)
So been mulling this over and trying to understand what i'm standing for, why i'm standing and what not standing would look like and to be honest the only difference in not standing to me would be dating.
Toots asked a while back why men seem more ready to date sooner, im making the sweeping generalisation that its a combination of the following - we are more impatient - we have more fragile egos - we need to fix whatever the problem is (in this case we're lonely) - we're more competitive (need to win, either wife back or the breakup contest) - we put more of our worth in being a provider/protector so we need someone to provide for / protect - we are more prone to deal with issues by distraction/replacement etc. - we over estimate how ready we are
That may all be nonsense but my feelings on why that might be
So pondering all of this and where it fits into my own personal (and recently updated) values, and to be honest was drifting toward a '&%$� it - I might as well start dating because at least it would be more fun and feels like a better option than trying to reconcile with someone who has made me pretty unhappy'
Then today i came accross this quote which was attributed to John Stewart
'If you dont stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values, they're hobbies.'
that felt like poignant timing to me.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
