There is only one absolute rule in any of this - DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE without talking to a lawyer/soliciter. Ive seen many men end up paying the mortgage, bills and child support for the marital home for YEARS after they moved out, and OM moved in. It is the single worst action you can undertake.
As for everything else, as you have seen, different sites and counselors have very different strategies. If you look at the DB and MB forums, you see two opposite extremes on almost every position. While I think there are things to take and learn from both, for someone in the thick of this looking for guidance, I believe you need to pick one strategy and stick to it.
As far a exposure/lying for your spouse. On the MB forum they are gung-ho for over the top exposure. In DB, exposure is basically a no-no. Personally, I fall in the middle. I would never lie for a cheating spouse, and I think the AP's spouse and your own family always deserve the truth. Ive gone through a lot of cases, and I firmly believe that its the lies, especially the old ones that are most damaging to everyone.
