Can you really say to your boss, "sorry I can't meet with the client that day because it's my night with my kids"?
Yes, you can. When D6 was born, I stopped the systematic overtime, that is outside of a special event (3-4 times a year). I was afraid it would impact my career, but it actually made m more productive. A year later, I was promoted. It was a very competitive workplace full of workaholics. Productivity is not about the hours. Client meetings are no more mandatory than kids care and they can be moved around. When you D, there are downsides and one of them is that your spouse is no longer there to pick up the slack. I say that as a LBH who has missed important events early in the morning because I had to drop off the kids. That's life and climbing up the corporate ladder to make more money or control more people is not all that there is. I've a very successful career by the way, one of the best among all my college-educated friends.
It's a mindset and I don't expect your H to get it. I would try to explain it to colleagues who would see me (and others) do it and they would say "Yeah, but we really have to meet that deadline." Guess what, it's a made-up deadline and it won't be met anyway because department X isn't done with their review or whatnot. Life goes on.
It come down to boundaries. People respect your time when you value it. I can almost guarantee that when your H is asked to do something on a day he has the kids, he doesn't even consider declining it. He needs to change that balance in his head. The bar for skipping childcare has to be raised much higher.
As I wrote in a few sitches, it's about living with the consequences of our choices. The S is not my choice, but I live with the consequences. My WAW will too and I won't take responsibility or even feel guilty for it.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
