Wow! Indeed. Lot's of interesting perspectives. Gosh - thanks Jim, Barrybran, Lisa, V, Calibri and Toots for dropping in.
Barrybran - ah, you were referring to the abyss, got it. Yes, sometimes I feel like anything would be better than nothing hence my random ideas to get more info through other means. I flip flop between thinking we *are* unique and then remember the robx quote that Labug posted a while ago (everyone comes here thinking their sitch is unique...slow is fast...yada yada). Of course it could just be OW in which it is all text book.
It's a shame Labug hasn't been around in a while. I believe she also went months without contact and even asked her H where he stood at one stage (at that point he wanted D). I guess I was looking to her sitch as an example of how things may not be what they seem. Indeed I would probably have given up a long time ago were it not for the fact that H's body language suggests there is still an emotional response there. He is certainly not indifferent to me and does allude to the possibility of future interaction (not clear whether that is as H/W, friends or whatever). I don't think mine is the most despairing sitch on here in spite of the NC.
Calibri - mules have got nothing on me. That's how I can do it ;-) H is similar which may explain the current situation. That and I guess I always viewed this little debacle as an opportunity to teach myself to live more in the moment, be ok with uncertainty, be more patient and compassionate with others. All that good stuff. If I feel like I am learning then time doesn't seem to pass so slowly. Where else would I be rushing to?
Toots - no problem butting in. I hope this discussion helps you also.
I guess I have some thinking to do, specifically: 1. Am I getting close to being done with waiting around? 2. Am I ready to hear the cold truth? 3. Would OW change my feelings on what to do? 4. Is current strategy not working? For who is it not working? Not working to what end?
My responses to these questions will dictate my next actions.
Generous mulling starts...now...
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
At first I thought she was new, but evidence shows otherwise. People had met her before. once I knew the facts or some of what looked pretty bad like h visiting her area for months before staying a few km from her house by accident I went nc. March.
It's nearly March, apart from the odd settlemet contact thru Spetember nothing. Actions show even tho he said we would still have a great r! This was all a lie.
In short if h wanted a r he would have shown, by actions of being here. He's not so in my case in my book that seems very clear.
I don't know what to tell you, yours might be different.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
V, I think the answers will unfold in a few parts. Some Qs I have a few ideas about, some Qs I need to ponder longer. Stay tuned....it's going to make for enthralling reading
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
For my situation I agree with what Toots said, it's worth it to wait quietly for the feelings and relationship with OW to possibly dissipate. But if there is no OW then probably I would not wait as long, especially if WAS tends to be stubborn and unwilling to admit mistakes and might not come around in their own.
Another good reason to follow the NC path is when you need more time to grow and improve and/or they do too. Obvious things like overcoming addictions and getting your/their act together. Again in my case I think this applies as I don't want to be with my H as he is now. Time is needed.
Silent time can also give you the chance to get over the heartbreak and realize you don't really want them back actually. Yup, I think this might be my story.
I don't really see the above situations in your story but we don't know much about what is really going on with him...
A new character mysteriously appears (Wonka), an OW purportedly shot. Meanwhile Lisa waits quietly for the return of her beloved while in a far away place Gg just fainted.
Somewhere nearby Ganbatte returns from GAL. How will she respond to the questions...estions...estions...estions? [climactic music, fade lights, roll credits]
It's a season cliffhanger like no other!
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Now you just need to go on hiatus for four months to screw with everyone
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
(how's that for a cliff hanger?!)