Gogofo - LRT letter - planning a new beginning

[bdub]

Are you doing a dissolution?

If that is the case, the whole idea of the dissolution is that the spouses work out the agreement ahead of time. The judge reads over it and makes it official. It is not uncommon for 1 attorney to be involved and to do the filing. the negotiations and the wording is up to the spouses. I THINK this is what you are doing.

[gogofo]

That is exactly what we are doing, just the courts use different terminology.

I probably om not doing the best at explaining the situation either.

[LITB]

I agree wholeheartedly with Wonka. Read her post again, and follow it. Set your M/R goals aside, while you deal with the legal aspect. You have to.

Your W will use your assets/investments as a scare tactic to get what she wants. I can see it from a thousand miles away. Don't give her an opportunity to influence your legal decisions.

[bdub]

Tricky stuff. I just went through it. In fact, my court date is the 23rd. It is a great concept if the spouses can negotiate. Make sure you get that 50-50 split wording in there. Make sure there is nothing about "primary custody" and make sure there is no language referring back to the standard visitation schedule if the parties cannot agree on visitation. I stood firm on all those and got it signed. We wrote out in great detail exactly how visitation was gong to work.

[gogofo]

Ask your L if the custody issue remains unsolved, would the other sections be unaffected if it were to go to the judge? Meaning that you and W have ALREADY agreed to the financials and assets so that should not be a problem for the judge. The only area of contention is "primary custody" which is what the judge will be focusing on.

Talked to the L and his answer was yes and no. If we can get everything like property and financials, etc. signed off and agreed to then the judge would just rule on custody.

My W could change her mind now and not agree to any of the agreement, then we go to court for all of it.

Right now the complaint gets the ball rolling and the specifics have to be ironed out. I have not seen the specifics to the agreement from her L.

I hate this law crap.

[gogofo]

I agree wholeheartedly with Wonka. Read her post again, and follow it. Set your M/R goals aside, while you deal with the legal aspect. You have to.

Your W will use your assets/investments as a scare tactic to get what she wants. I can see it from a thousand miles away. Don't give her an opportunity to influence your legal decisions.

The way this would feel to me is that I have to risk losing $70k to have joint custody of the kids in the agreement.

This scares the s@!t out of me. Not that money is more important than the kids, but being able to provide goes a long way.

I still feel like I should let her know that I am filing a response to her complaint and not agreeing to the custody language.

I also feel like I should ask her what is going on with it because I do not want to be left in default without a leg to stand on. I am in the dark about what is going on and what her L is doing. If I do not file a response by Friday then I am in default, which means I am basically in agreement. Puts me at a disadvantage in the process.

[Wonka]

How soon will you get the specifics from W's L?

I thought you've read it. I am confused.

If you really want to protect your finances, can this be signed off separately from custody? If yes, then do it. This way, it buys you time to work with W on custody matters because you guys already signed off on the financials and she cannot touch it.

Know what I am sayin' here, GoFo?

[LITB]

By what I gather, it is your response to her petition? Which likely means everything is included together. Is that correct?

You definitely have to respond. When did you get the paperwork? Here in CA, the respondent has 30 days from the date served.

Just trying to understand what you are up against.

[gogofo]

Okay, let me try to explain this.

I was served on the 27th of January. I have 20 calendar days to respond, which is the 15th.

The complaint does not have the specifics of the D from the L. I do not know when I will receive this.

We can sign of on any matters we agree upon and let the judge rule in areas where we do not agree.

The complaint just laid out specifics about us being married, have two children, she wants maiden name restored, primary custody for the mother, separation date. It does not go into specifics about personal property, vehicles, savings, investments, child support, etc.

It is my understanding that this will come in later when I am presented something from her L. This timeline I do not know. The L is a friend of her family and she used to be his secretary 10 years ago. He is flakey and now a county employee so he does not have much desire or time to work diligently on this issue (my opinion).

If I do not respond then I am in default. If in default it will be harder for me to present evidence or arguments from my side.

I will be responding to the complaint, but I wanted to talk to my W and let her know this is what I am doing and why. Then we can negotiate the specifics of our agreement.

I want her to know that right now I do not intend for this to get ugly or go in front of a judge. We are adults and can take care of this as co-parents.

I also want to know what the hell is going on with the agreement from her L. I assume it will come after the 20 day window.

Her L cannot actively practice since he is now a government employee. With the response and not agreeing to the child support manner he may not be able to handle the D agreement. My L said he would request that the old complaint be withdrawn and my L would them handle the agreement.

Clear as mud?

[Barrybran]

Maybe it would be better to tell your wife that you interpreted her complaint as having sole custody of the kids which conflicts with the joint custody that was discussed. Hear what she has to say in response, say nothing yourself and leave it at that. No 'what you're doing' or when, how, why.

Would that work for you?