Just tracking. . I set a goal of limiting interactions to 1/day by not responding to non-emergency emails or texts. So far, so good. Also thinking about maybell and boundary setting: I think I'm getting better at that. I emailed him about upcoming holiday... according to parenting schedule, he's responsible. I am odd from work that day (not sure if he is), so I just calmly reminded him this was the plan and that he will need to make arrangements. Kept it purely business.
At the moment I am not at all interested in a buddy buddy relationship. That is not the right term, because he shows no interest in friendship with me (like some other WAH), but we are not adversaries either. I can't really describe it. It's a bit more than just cordial because he does think we can have casual text or quick email conversations.. or that I will respond right away to a quick question or do small favors. That's not working for me right now and I guess that's because I'm just still working through the hurt.
I'm also thinking about Ss and Maybell and others, who discovered awful behavior their H ' s did. I have no knowledge of that sort of thing with my H. Somehow that makes it harder to detach and accept. It's like... what the F was the problem? I mean, I know we were both unhappy but why be so stubborn after all this time and all the change he's seen in me to still be so unwilling to even attempt any repairing.
Why am I still having such a hard time moving past the fact that he just up and walked out on me one day without even being willing to try.
Yesterday my D said, "mama, I'm sad. I miss daddy". That's certainly part of why it's hard to move on.
It's still hard to think about. It's hard to accept there will be no closure, no "answers".
