Some might disagree with what I will say, but my regret was that I entered LRT of no pursuit a bit too early before the 180s and Michelle's earlier chapters. The door was not firmly closed on my M (it got slammed when I asked him to just consider re-commit to it though.) Before I pushed that, we were in a space-gives-us-a-chance place that We gradually got to return to when I backed off the topic - he didn't want to return to our M the way it had been. I had a chance to demonstrate some of what he needed changed about us without the pressure of commitment. I pursued those parts without pursuing the relationship.
Despite the purgatory of S, he was still enjoying parts of our contact. You went geocaching- if the door was slammed IMHO he wouldn't have wanted to join you.
The self you describe he fell in love with sounds different than the depressed one you told us about. Being on the other end of that...my depressed spouse left me drained and hopeless and resenting the one directional flow of support. I just knew I couldn't live like that anymore and it came out in unsympathetic tirades.
What if you keep your GAL, give him space as you have been and keep R talks to 0...but...what if you were to pursue (lightly) feeding your R the places it was starving where it used to be healthy? Like the geocaching. Just enjoy each other when there is an opportunity.
What (other than your own identified issues) do you think he wants to see changed? He said he didn't feel like himself...what else?
You still have that great smile. Use it!
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
