Sorry I didn't know I wasn't supposed to post links. I apologise for that. when you say it worked for you, what did you do? who did you tell? how long after? how did you go about it?
sorry for the questions but this has put a new slant on things. I currently feel like im an enabler as im keeping quiet to nearly everyone about why we are separating all the time she continues her affair in secret. None of her family and friends know and we are going to lie to our daughter about why im leaving. I don't want that. She will find out one day and then what will she think. For the record I am quite prepared to tell the truth about me. I was thinking of along the lines just before I move out. "this is the last time im going to bring this up but I don't want a divorce, I do want to work on our marriage but that involves you ending your affair with OM as im not prepared to live in a marriage with 3 people and committing to working on our marriage. Are you prepared to do this?"
Trying to talk rational to a WAS is an excersize in futility.
You did see however that she can be steered strongly by her emotions. Thus the daughter noticing the ring off and having the dream that daddy left, did indeed "push some buttons" on her...
You as the LBS have lost most of your power in "pushing buttons", only buttons you have at this time is refusing to financially or emotionally support her on the path she is on.
There is no guarantee's she will come back to you either and you have to accept that.
I'm glad to see the daughter could affect her so greatly in that she wants to see a councelor.
