Devastated Husband; Need Advice...Part 2

[TSquared2]

T,

I understand about the GAL being hard to make time for, you aren't on a 40 hour work week. Are there somethings, small things, you can do just for you that take just a few minutes before you go to sleep?

Get the full seasons of something like "Game of Thrones" or "Vikings" and watch just one episode a night or something? I found reading my favorite genres of sci-fi/fantasy really took my mind off my sitch, off of xw, and took my mind into alternate reality for a while gave me a mental break that kept me sane and solid, the rational "get stuff done" guy I am. Since time is in short supply for you, maybe just the DVDs?

How did the cooking class go?

I ran across this in an email and I found it enlightening:

One should never endeavor to win back a lost lover for the wrong reasons. And simply stopping the pain of the split, or relieving the agony of the resultant loneliness, is the wrong reason to try to win him back. The basis for this ugly little truth is obvious: unless the underlying factors that caused the breakup in the first place have been examined, and unless there has been a significant change or commitment to a change, a remedy put into play, then you’re simply asking for more of the same, with the same outcome virtually assured.

I think this is why we focus on working on ourselves so heavily, because until the WAS is ready to look at their issues, etc., it is all we can really do, it's the only thing in our control. Which is really, really hard to get in our heads, and until we do, we struggle with this:

I hate the person I'm becoming because I feel hopeless, lost, insecure and someone without direction. I've never been like that.

GAL is a joke. I'm in the field almost very day so when I get home I just sleep. Seriously just dislike who I am because this is not me. Someone who used to be so take charge has now been reduced to this. And I don't know how to fix that

So how to fix?

By accepting the honest, brutal facts of the reality of our sitches. As much as we don't want to, it is key to look at them.

Reality Fact 1: Your W is lost, confused, indecisive, doesn't know what she wants.

Realty Fact 2: You can't fix her. Only she can.

Realty Fact 3: You can't control her, her choices, etc. You can only control YOU.

Realty Fact 4: Based on RF 3 above. It's always your choice to stand, and for how long, OR, to drop the rope and move on. That is the LBS' power, always.

You have a plan, stand until April, following the DB coaches advice, and then re-evaluate. Stick to the plan you have committed to.

If you have a plan, and the mental discipline to stick to it, then you are not:

hopeless, lost, insecure and someone without direction.

KWIM?