I owe you a much longer reply later, but quick question -
Where/how did you and your H FIRST build intimacy and attraction in your relationship? Where did the essence of your bond start, how was it created?
You guys still know those dance steps even if you're slumped against the wall not wanting to get out on the floor. You have the gift of time and also - the gift of being in the same house still. I think it's something worth thinking about. Our situations similar, but different. Your H likes to stay on the lighter side sounds like. And he is doing some work, great!
My H and I created our bonds thru very deep heavy conversations about lives, selves, cosmos. Tho I promise you he never ever once sat down and said, W I'd like to talk about my feelings and thoughts about the world. They would just unravel like a ball of string if I pulled (instead of pushing me).
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
