Life 2.0 Pt 5

[NH115]

Thanks to everyone for the good wishes.

Her relief at learning that she does not have cancer lasted a few hours, then we were right back into things.

She seems to be moving from anger into depression. She even said last night that she wasn't angry like she once was. She just doesn't feel connected to me. She's not interested in the things she normally is. She doesn't get excited or look forward to things. I know these are classic signs of depression. As hard as it is to write these words, she's working through a breakup, even though her A was relatively limited.

I see small signs of hope. She did tell me that some of our pre-existing issues don't seem quite as big to her as they used to be. My parents are still a huge issue, but some of the other issues aren't so much. She's also finally realizing and acknowledging that we have had plenty of good times in our M. Early on in our sitch, she would (classic WAW) claim that she was unhappy for most of our 19 years. She still feels disconnected from me, but that's classic depression talking. Her rhetoric is that she wants to want me, but can't make herself get there.

We're talking about getting away for a weekend here soon. Before children, we used to run off on a Saturday to a nearby larger city to run around the mall, eat at a favorite restaurant, and just enjoy being out of town. We're going to do that again; maybe also go to an aquarium or the zoo. This time we can afford to stay overnight. Not talking about anything with romantic pressure. That's not really either one of our styles anyway. She admits to feeling panic at the idea of being alone with me for that long.

She talks about wanting more laughter in her life; that was something that OM brought her. I'm trying to find more ways to bring humor in; I manage to make friends and co-workers laugh all the time, but I know in her current emotional state nothing I say or do will be funny to her.