W still having PA with OP

[Ontheup]

Hey 4mend

I no expert but going through similar situation. My wife is having affair with OM and wont stop to the point we are now separating. That I can deal with as sh1t as it is. What I couldn't continue with was the lying to my face and texting in front of me. So I told her to stop. point blank and she has. There have been no more "work nights" away, no more "weekends in work" and no more snidy texting in front of me. Has she stopped seeing OM? I very much doubt it. But do I feel a bit better that she isn't rubbing my nose in it? yes of course. Will she then start back up when i'm gone? who cares at least it wont be in my face.
As far as setting boundaries, the vets advice has been not to set any ultimatums. This will just drive her further away. I made the same mistake demanding my wife did xyz. she even said to me she doesn't respond well to being told what to do.
From what ive seen before vets advocate saying you will not live in an open marriage, you don't want a divorce and you are here to do what ever work is necessary on the marriage. Don't give a set deadline but say along the lines of you want her to join you in working on the marriage but you are not prepared to wait around for ever. Then you just do what you need to do to heal yourself which is basically GAL. If she wants to come along and join you great. If she doesn't then that is her loss but you will be a better person in the long run and you will be ok. I still struggle with the fact that this is a marathon and not a sprint. Some of the recon stories on here and other sites are months/years in the making. Unfortunately we all expect things to happen now. which it rarely does. I try and picture my self in 6 months. Living in my new house, looking after and having great time with D8, doing some of the things ive wanted to do for a long time Galing and getting on with life without letting the situation im in hold me back 24/7 which I am now.

Good luck.