Two weekends ago, I couldn't take it anymore. He was staying at a hotel for the weekend by himself away from us. I had thought it would be a good thing for him to be away temporarily, to clear his head, to have some space away from the family. I figured that I'll just do my own thing with the kids and life.
I didin't anticipate how hard it would be on me not having him at home. I called him on Sunday and told him that we were all suffering without him here, that we need him. He seemed surprised that we would miss him. Said that he had thought we would be fine without him, he thought we no longer needed him.
The next day, I told him that I couldn't take this any more, that if he was going to live a a hotel, we may as well not be married any longer. Told him that I've become sick over the whole situation. At first he said that he never gets to take a vacation just for him, that all the vacations we take were for the family. I said of course, because we are a family and that if he wanted a vacation by himself before, he should have said something. He said no one cared about him. Later he said that he never wanted to leave me.
The following weekend, had another talk (I know, no R talks but this was more about him). He said that for the last 5 years, he knew that the type of work he was doing was not right for him and that he needed a new path, new direction. He didn't know what it was but that he kept at the job trying to convince himself to stay on. At one point when he was leaving the previous job, he wanted to strike out in a business on his own. I wasn't supportive of that because he made good money and had never been in business before. I was afraid. He continued on to the next job that he hated but didn't feel he could quit and face me, the kids and the rest of the family. He thought that befriending the female coworker and helping her would make the job more tolerable. He tried meditation and self help books to try to cope with this job but eventually, knew that if he continued, it was going to kill his soul.
Because he felt I was unsupportive, he thought his only option was to split finances with me and live somewhere else to find another path for himself. The alternative was to suffer a stroke or a heart attack continuing to do this job. Thus the feeling of being trapped and blaming his family.
Well, I guess I have to let go of the fear of the unknown and give him the support he needs. Either we do this together or he will go it alone. Does any of what he said make sense??
