Just some journaling today. I've noticed the reduction in my posts and equate it to my level of detachment (I guess). When I first started here, I was posting every hour - now I'm weekly or more. I look at my situation and rarely feel panicked, sometimes depressed, sometimes angry, but I do feel like I am handling everything better. That's a relief.
We are at a state of in-house separation at this point. We eat dinner together with the kids (when she's here). She'll talk to me about work and I listen, I talk to the kids about their day; but after I clean up we go off to our separate corners. (I have not sat with her or watched tv with her for weeks. This always used to be our together time) Later I sleep in our bed and she sleeps on the couch. So all-in-all I may see her for an hour a day, there is no conversation initiated by me unless I tell her about schedules and the kids.
Last weekend, I stayed busy with work, and house tasks and kids events. (all things that I like to do). We did have dinner with my new sister-in-law which W arranged. I wasn't comfortable there either. Everything that we do together seems like a lie and fake.
She still does try to start general conversations with me, and still tries to do things on weekends with me, but she knows that I am not comfortable any more with this. (and I truly hate being this way).
The other night (thursday - I think) we did talk for about ten minutes about our situation. She stated that she was worried about my health and business, I told her that I understand why and I am rebounding from last year (Which is true). She asked me what I think my future looks like. I told her that I didn't really know how to answer that but said that the things that I want have not changed. I think she understood that, but may have dismissed it.
This morning (after a long restless night), she called me into the living room this morning where she was still laying on the couch. She didn't say anything and just looked at me. I said"I do not want my life to look like this". She said that she knows and she doesn't either.
Again no resolution and no movement.
She is not willing or (able?) to move out (which we are approaching her timeline on that).
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015