My waking nightmare

[Lorelai]

I realize this is none of my business, but I can't help but feel defeated when I look up the book my H is reading on Amazon see that it's nothing but a bunch of pro-divorce/anti-work-on-your-marriage dribble. The guy, whose book is specifically for men, is basically like "if you're not happy, leave!" And he says that couples always try to make at least one attempt at reconciliation but husbands should refuse because once someone has decided to divorce, reconciliation attempts are futile.

I think my MIL might have given him the book, not realizing what it was, or maybe she does realize it. Yesterday she gave me a card that I guess was supposed to be a nice gesture but it basically said that H doesn't talk to her about his personal life and I shouldn't talk to her about it either. Then she gave me a copy of the ser. prayer which she told me years ago she read every night after crying for three or four hours after H's father walked out when H was just 2. So glad we can carry on the family tradition.

Sorry I'm so negative today... I really wish my H wouldn't read a book promoting such selfishness...

OK positive note—if you can really call it that—I contacted a local organization I found out about through a friend for women going through a divorce or about to enter the process. They help you find an attorney and sit down with you and go through everything, finances, custody, children, law, etc. I have an appointment for a week from today. It was the best I could do with my crazy schedule right now.

When H took the kids this morning to his mom's, I asked if he could keep them an extra hour so I could fit in a workout this evening. I really want to get back into shape and lose the "baby body." That baby's almost 2 for goodness sakes!

Also--quick update on birthday party gate 2015. So I did go ahead and cancel the party and get back the deposit. Not just b/c of H, but b/c hardly any of my friends could make it and I had a lot of anxiety about how it was going to go with the way H was behaving. My 2-year-old wouldn't notice if anyone was there but my 4-year-old certainly would and I didn't want to plan and spend for something that wasn't going to be that much fun because of the way everything was going. Plus the only time my park dist. had available was an hour before her bedtime until 9 or 10 p.m.—a little late for a 2-year-old.
Anyway, I sent out an email canceling the party and several of my friends emailed me back in a group email suggesting coming to my house and having a smaller party with just them and their kids on her birthday weekend, which falls on a date that works better for them. They even offered to order the cake and take care of everything so I didn't have to worry.
THEN my SIL (remember, my H said no one from his family would want to come, right) EMAILED me asking if she could be involved in some sort of celebration for my daughter, at my house or somewhere. She was disappointed to hear the party was canceled! I'm going to take the high road and invite her to the party my friends are planning at my house.

There is so much love everywhere in my life and I don't think I would have seen it without this experience...

And thanks to everyone who's been stopping by or giving a quick read!