And We Danced All Night to the Best Song Ever...

[Georgiabelle]

Warning .....Vent....much of what I'm going to say is devoid of logic. It is just how I feel.

I desperately need to get off this crazy train. I know only I can do that. I cried last night and this am. I was actually crying this am when x Mr. GB got there this am. I didn't care that he saw me crying. Some days I want to smack the a$$hat on the head. Most days I don't want to expend the energy. I felt better post BD than I do now. I hate the way I feel. I feel ugly, fat, stupid and I don't believe anything anyone says to me. While I appreciate kindness and support, I want to f$&king hurl when someone gives me a compliment. I don't believe on word they say. I know the only person who can change this is me. I do. However, I keep thinking.....am I really that bad? That unloveable?

S5 told me he missed cuddling with both parents in the bed. I just told him that I loved him and I'm sorry. I'm going to sound irrational yet again. Valentines day is almost here and x Mr GB said it was his favorite holiday. Oh yeah? Why didn't I ever get anything? I got him at least little stuff. Also, he moved out a year ago this week. When I told kids (because he was too busy tweeting) my daughter asked if we were having another baby. That still rips my hear out remembering their little faces. And the DB tweeted, " you think it's cold outside? You should be in my house. Everyone thinks I'm a bad guy." F U. What a $&@? Not to me but to his own kids. Selfish pr!ck. And he did take up with a woman who is facing a life time of electrolysis because she has a mustache. Did I say that? Hails yes I did and I don't feel bad. I know only I can change the way I view these "times of the year ." I know. Time.

I want someone to rub my shoulders. I want someone to ask how my day was. And I simply cannot fathom that ever happening. How the pho did I get here??? Grrrrrrr. Maybe I should have a breakdown on Twitter? Nope. Peeps would label me a loon- not a tortured, misunderstood soul.

I can't feel kind this much longer. I HATE this feeling of the crazy train. And I know, only I can get off the train.

Thanks for listening.