she even masterfully has said "if you want out, then file" A perfect threat that backs me down in the past.
A couple things. One, you can say "Well you do what you feel you need to do; I will do the same. But don't TALK to me about that word -- divorce -- as it's very disrespectful to our marriage. It isn't what I want, but if it's what you feel YOU need to do, I won't stop you. I HAVE decided however that I'm no longer willing to allow you to throw such a destructive word around in my presence, or I will end the conversation immediately."
And then do so.
Also, you could leave the yellow pages open to "Attorneys -- Family Law" one day, in a not-too-conspicuous place. Or you can leave a good bulldog family law "men's rights" attorney's business card upside-down on your nightstand one day. Or mysteriously head out during business hours one day, well-dressed (but not how you dress for work) and say only "I have an errand I need to run; I should be back in a couple of hours."
Personally, you SHOULD meet with a good bulldog "men's rights" attorney if you haven't already done so, if only to better know your rights and responsibilities in your jurisdiction. No one's saying you have to file -- there's a lot of cards you can play yet. But before you ever fire a missile, there are launch sequences that one can begin to demonstrably put into place.
