He does not have the means to find a babysitter and is absolutely not above just ignoring that request (or telling me to tell him who to call) if he finds he can't be personally involved with his children.
He does have the means just zero inclination. Care.com works quite well and I'm sure he has access to a computer. Beyond that, he can figure it out. He's so capable at work, problem solving for a babysitter he can do. The hard part is, stepping back and making yourself unavailable to help so he DOES IT.
You're incredibly brilliant, Maybell, and I don't say that just to flatter you. He's an absolute fool in more ways than one but he's not going to pick up the role of dad if you're always there to supplement, right? This might be something to hash out with attorneys.
Specific days, you get the right of first refusal if he can't directly care for them, if you have other plans, the care of the kids with a reputable care-taker is HIS responsibility.
In my sitch, H is currently technically unemployed so he's around and available quite a bit. This makes child care easier for sure. Once he gets a gig though, and it's only a matter of time until that happens, he becomes MIA immediately. Twenty-hour work days for MONTHS. I am NOT ok with my daughter sitting in a corner of his studio attached to an ipad for all hours of his "time with her". No. He can either hire a nanny, at his own expense (his parents will not be approved by me to care for her as in their care she was once discovered on the ROOF of their home and you better believe that will be written down in a legal agreement that he will have to sign) if I am unable to care during "his time". *I* am not going to hire that nanny. *I* am not going to schedule the babysitter. That's his problem.
If he wants you to "tell him who to call" just say, "the child development program at the local university probably has great candidates". Done. The end.
He has to take responsibility for his choices. If he chooses not to be in the kids' lives in a way that is consistent and predictable for them and reasonable and consistent for you then that is HIS choice that he has to live and reap the consequences of. YOUR power falls in getting out of his way.
He does not need a babysitter himself (by that i mean the position he places you in by telling you to tell him who to call for babysitting services). Treat him like the adult he is.
