Masterpiece...

[Jer2911]

You're missing my point. It isn't true. It's something she pulled out of her arse now because she couldn't come up with any rational reason why she's blowing up your family. It has nothing to do with you or your relationship to her family, just ss my ex's MLC had nothing to do with the sound of my footsteps.

I understood you. But in a way, I do think some of it is true. She mentioned at least one incident that did really happen -- that didn't even included me -- that I do remember where she exhibited some possessiveness over her family and not wanting to share her time with them.

Now that she has revealed this, I do think she might finally be looking at some of her own real issues... but she is incorrect to project those on to me or onto why our relationship/marriage doesn't work. So yes, your point about bringing it up now is relevant -- as is the point that Wonka made (I think) about how she might also be using this now because her family really knows me and knows that I'm not a bad person who has made my W's life miserable for nearly 10 years. Her family knows that we've been a very happy couple/family and they have witnessed how much she has loved me over those years. I think this is all so complicated -- but yes, she is just using this as another excuse.

Here is why I think some of this is true though -- the family members and incidents she referenced yesterday only include one side of her family... The side of her family she didn't grow up with and only saw about once per year.

She grew up with her mom and stepdad -- both of whom are only children... So she didn't grow up seeing a model of a large extended family where in-laws were embraced and included in the whole family. I did grow up in that model -- My parents were divorced, but both came from very large families and I saw many examples of how husbands and wives were welcomed into the family as siblings as if they'd grow up in the family. I saw examples of how my dad's family still loved and considered my mother family even after they divorced -- including my mom and my dad's mom remaining best friends until my grandmother passed away. I had examples of being close to my cousins' other sets of grandparents and spending time at their houses. I grew up with a model where families were enlarged and enhanced by marriage. My W did not grow up with this model at all. Her family unit was very small with no cousins, aunts, or uncles on her mom's side -- and this is the family that she spent the majority of her life with. And she is really an only child -- with a couple of step-siblings and a couple of half-siblings (but she didn't grow up with the half-siblings).

Again -- we grew up with different models... But this doesn't make this a good excuse for her anger at me. Instead, what should have happened is years ago when she first started to feel jealous or angry over my growing relationships with her family, she should have engaged me in a discussion about it so it could be addressed -- and I probably would have asked that we go to some counseling over it considering the vast differences in how we grew up and what models we were exposed to while growing up so that we could come to some agreeable mutual understanding of a healthy way to move forward in growing together as a family instead of letting that anger, jealously, and resentment grow and fester inside of her for years.

Too late for all of that now...