Thread #11 was not at all what I thought it'd be. One Sunday night I found stuff and the following Friday I was in two attorneys offices. Just not what I'd imagined at all but I'm learning to take life as it's thrown at me, the best I can.
Now, I've reached the lucky dozen.
Still building the courage to have that talk with stbx. I'm stuck there and for now I'm ok with that. I have an IC appointment this morning and I'll definitely talk about it, see if we can get me unstuck.
I find myself still day dreaming about working on the marriage and being able to fulfill each others' needs with smiles on our faces. Still. Denial. It's beautiful here.
Then I remember the emails I've found and it all comes flooding back.
I ache for my daughter. A deep, gnawing, life-long ache.
I also hate the word "divorce", the feelings it invokes, the stigma that comes with it, the pain it brings my daughter. Can't we call it something else? Anything else.
Inside I'm ok. I'm certainly not on the floor but I'm also not chasing enlightenment like I was just before that Sunday night discovery. I just am and for now that's ok. My house is a bit of a wreck and I'm generally ok with that for now.
Can't say that I'm moving along but I'm doing some serious thinking about moving along. LOL
