Maybell, You know I've struggled with this issue too. It was a big one during my M. But one thing I've realized is that I don't *have* to assume that it's on me. And I don't *have* to be mad that he has work stuff come up. What if you said something like:
-- I can tell it's hard to schedule things in advance because your work schedule is unpredictable. But it's important for the kids to have regular time with you, and I need to have regular time as well. The constantly changing schedule isn't working for me. Do you have any ideas for how we can make this work better for both of us? I have some thoughts, but I wanted to hear yours too."
Then, see what he says. Here are some options:
1) once a month set a schedule for the month. If he needs to change it, he has to *request* it. If you are unavailable, he has to figure it out (i.e. find and pay for a babysitter).
2) set a more permanent schedule and ask him to work on building his work plans around his parenting obligation. Again, changes are requested, not demanded, and sitter costs (even if you end up getting the sitter) are on him.
Have you figured out a parenting plan yet? My H and I are working with and mediator. This has helped me let go of resentment because I feel like I have a voice now. Get the financial aspect of who pays for the sitter into the agreement.
