First of all, kudos to you for standing up to her. Much respect. I wish you would've slept in your own BED, but hey -- baby steps.
Unfortunately, with a spouse in a wayward mindset, they are filled with resentment and fueled with entitlement, and you do have to repeat yourself over and over until they back off, one topic at a time. And so you're going to need to address this "you're trying to CONTROL me!" thing, and get it behind you.
The next time she says that, say "Oh trust me, I have no desire to try and control you. You're a grown woman and you will do what you will. I'm only telling you what *I* will put up with, and that's all I can do. I thought it only fair to tell you." (or something similar).
You will probably have to get even more forceful than that, with a follow-up of something like "OK, I'll say this once more, and then I won't discuss it any further. I HAVE NO DESIRE TO CONTROL YOU. I CAN ONLY CONTROL ME. I'm trying to tell you that *I* have decided that I will sleep in my own house, in my own bed from now on. That works for me. *I* will be married to someone who is faithful to me, and committed to working on our relationship. *My* wife will treat me with respect, and be civil even when we disagree. *My* wife will be honest with me, even with it's a difficult subject. This is what I have finally woken up and decided I deserve going forward. Now, whether or not YOU CAN BE THAT WOMAN is COMPLETELY up to you, and I'll understand if you don't want to, I really will. I do expect you to let me know, however, and soon because I'm not waiting forever. Call that 'control' if you want to, but I've decided that this is what works best for me."
Say ALL of that with not an ounce of hate or disgust in your voice, almost like "Hey, if you like peanut butter cookies instead of chocolate chip, that's fine with me. I'm having the chocolate chip though."
I'll post some other thoughts to you about "control" and "boundaries" from my archives -- maybe they will help you.