Matt, you are becoming a very wise poster, but in what MLCers say there is often a kernel of truth.
They long to be accepted for who they are, because when they were younger (a small child, or adolescent) they were not accepted and loved for who they were. That is one reason they are now in crisis
One thing we have to strive not to do is judge them. It is very very hard. It isn't accepting everything that they do, and it certainly is not a suggestion that we have no boundaries, but that is not the same thing as judging someone who is self destructive and deeply troubled.
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So many pictures with sayings about how if someone loves you, they except you "Exactly as you are". I think that's because she knows what she is doing, who she has become, is just not someone the people in her life up until now would ever understand. I guess she wants to believe that if she behaves like a selfish lout and hurts her kids and destroys her M she shouldn't be "judged" for it. It's just who she is now, right? She wants to think and really believe that she is doing the 'right" thing for her...even though deep inside she knows full well that it's wrong
I understand your own hurt, frustration and sense of helplessness. it is still relatively new and raw, but further down the line you will be OK, and sadly they probably will not be.
I never visited my xh's fb persona - it wasn't him and I didn't want to know more about his life than I had to. Everyone makes their own choice on this. It helped me to detach, and with detachment comes growing objectivity, and we start to see our MLC spouses as they truly are. And then compassion begins to grow and displace the anger and hurt
