Devotion to a dream...

[phunguy]

I've realized that I can have control over the Anger and how I choose to express it. I can recognize when I begin to feel angry and do a few things; first breathe and calm down, say nothing and try to understand what is happening or being said that is causing me to get upset. Or I can walk away froma situation or leave entirely.

Last night was tough, we were talking about our oldest son. He got in trouble at school. He has been in trouble all school year couple times per week mainly for angry outbursts. We started talking and said she wanted to get him a new counselor. She said she doesn't think the current one is helping.

I asked her if she wanted to find a Psychiatrist or a psychologist and she said she'd look I to it. I told her that I think his behavior is learned from us yelling and screaming and from what's going on in the house. She said he'll get better in time. I asked her how was that going to happen when she wants a divorce? She said "I don't know, I don't know what any of this is going to be."

She got upset and started crying. I didn't say anything and let her be. I asked her if she had thought about how he will react to a divorce? She said he'll be hurt at first but he'll get better with time. I listened. She then said I just hope to get something out of the house and walk away with some cash, I asked her if she new how much debt we had, she said no. I asked her if she knew what the house was worth and she said no. I told her that walking away with cash was most likely impossible as far as I can tell. But then she went on talking about how she would get an apartment and the kids could share a room and then she lost it, all the while I sat listening. She was crying going on about where will he go to school and various other things she became very upset I told her I was sorry she was upset and that she didn't need to talk about this stuff now but that I did need to know her plans at some point but not now. She continued crying and got very upset and said she was too going to bed.

I have no idea why she went down that road. It was interesting to say the least. im not sure what to make of her saying these things and seeing her get so upset was hard, it seems that if she had her mind made up allready that she would have begun making plans of some kind but she just had generalities of what her future would look like and I think she didn't like it. Last night was two weeks since the bomb how should I interret this? No plans, no attorney visit, nothing but going out and getting drunk and working late every day.