Lou, You needed the time away from NZ to figure to relax and enjoy yourself a bit. This trip showed you that you can do anything that you set your mind to. Look at all you've accomplished, i.e., you packed up a home, flew to UK, stayed w/your brother, visited w/family and friends and even stood up to a bully. What you've learned about yourself these past few months is priceless. It shows me that you can do anything you want and you have the energy and determination to do so.
You sound like you may have a plan that will work once you return home. Hopefully you will find employment and can relax a bit and start living your life to the fullest back home. When are you planning to fly home?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
