"she still wants me to be part of the 'family' as a father to the boys"

Hi OD - that sounds like she still wants you to hang on in there, doing all the stuff that makes her life a bit easier. Keep the family together, and when it suits me, I'll go off and see my OM. Sounds a bit 'fantasy' to me.

You will always be a father to your boys - whether your W wants that or not. But whether you operate as a 'family' right now - given her waywardness - is up to you. My H wanted us to still get together for family time when he was having an A and we had S. I told him no. I'm not willing to spend 'family' time with you whilst you have an A with someone else.

I have kept in regular touch with my SS and his Mum separately though. I guess what I'm trying to say is - sounds like she wants to continue with her A, and there not be implications - but it's up to you how this works going forwards (and this is where boundaries come in...)

Last edited by Toots; 02/10/15 07:53 AM.
T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus