This can't be the end! #2

[Barry]

Hi.
I know I can't control what she's doing. I'm just so drained by it all.
There's 6 people in our family, and the person who's been the glue in all our lives is wrecking everything.

Does anyone else see this as classic MLC behavior or is it just me??

None of her family, her friends (even her best friend, who as I say, is more like a sister to her) saw this coming. All I know is she went out one night, got drunk, and came home and ruined my hopes for the future, my dreams of spending my life with her, having fun, laughing, and growing old with her. She broke my heart...again. She didn't have to do this, she could have woke up the next morning and laughed it off on being drunk and emotional. If she really wanted things to be good again between us, she could have put some work into saving it. She could have spoken to me at any point leading up to this and said how she was feeling. I can't believe all this "I didn't know it was coming either" rubbish that she told me either. You don't decide to end a 22 year relationship overnight. I know there's a lot of "could've's" in all that and the fact is, she didn't so that kind of says it all.

I know that the woman I knew is gone. I think she could be gone forever.

I'm glad that other people said they'd done similar things (not glad you felt the need to of course) even if they weren't to crazy level. I just can't bear the thought of her being intimate with an OM. I'm sure we've all had it, with images of our loved ones doing things running inside our minds. How am I supposed to not think about that?? I'm trying to keep as positive and busy as I can but the thoughts persist. I can't stop obsessing over everything.

When I look at this all started, we'd seen each other on Thursday and talked a little, and we'd text'd each other on the Saturday morning which was all fine.

If I wouldn't have felt the need to go onto someone's FB page (who I'm not even friends with) looking for photos of my W, all of this could've been avoided THIS TIME. The problem isn't the photo though, not really. It's that I know she's going out looking super sexy, with all of this going on. I don't need the photo, I've enough images on my head already.

I'm my own worst enemy.

Don't get me wrong, doing all that stuff wrong in a 24 hour period is impressively bad I know, and I admit to losing the plot there. But the trouble with not checking up on her is, I DO want to know if an OM appears and she's not exactly going to tell me freely. Yes, I made my choice in moving out so she could live in our home, and I stand by it, but as I've said before, there's no way I'm paying the mortgage on her love-nest...no f****g way on earth.

I realise that this is still early days and it IS going to get worse as time goes on. I'm just going to have to try and get by day to day and not think about it.

It's killing my soul though.