Gogofo - LRT letter - planning a new beginning

[gogofo]

Set up lunch tomorrow with my L friend to give a quick look over my D papers to see if there is anything in there that I should worry about and to make sure I understand the process. Information is power.

Found myself feeling up and down again today. Angry feelings towards my W for choosing to get a D. Right now I feel like she's a quitter. I know only she can control what she does, but I am disappointed in her. Sometimes I feel she is being lured away by the appeal of an EA and the false hope it brings. When I think about it it brings up paranoia. Other times I put that possibility on the pay no mind list and don't worry about if it is happening or not.

I have been holding strong not snooping, but I think I have her email password. I need to hold strong and not look at it. Snooping is fun but in the end it will only hurt me and mess with any detachment I have developed.

I know there is always the future, but I need to let go of that hope. I don't want to have false hope that she will come back and want to work on us.

She was busy tonight and fired up about having to get things done for a bake sale and has a paper due tomorrow. She was on edge when in the kitchen and with the kids tonight. She got snippy with me but I just grinned and laughed, for quite a while. Not maliciously, but playfully. She entertains me when she is like that, always has. I doubt she could find many people who would understand her when she is in those moods.

I guess some of my anger comes from my preconceptions about people that D. I always thought that they would be at each other's throats. I have a difficult time accepting that we have a relationship that is not able to be repaired and improved.

I figured out my monthly net pay but was not asked by my W what it was. Should I freely offer this information to her? Last time I held back on something like this she thought I was manipulating her.

I just don't think I need to be the one to remind her or freely offer up info like this unless she asks. She is the one that wants the D, why should I help expedite the process?

I would appreciate comments on this. Thanks