So time flies along, and while I have news, there is still little change in my overall situation, meaning my W is still with the OM, and we continue to progress towards a D. Currently having financials etc worked out. This is a surprise to my W, but I was prepared for this some time ago. She is finding the whole process very difficult, which is unfortunate.
Some positives, I have truly been able to detach myself. There are days that I don't think about her at all, and I am doing very well. I still do my own IC and continue to keep myself healthy, social, and mentally strong. Still have moments when the "what the he$$ happened in the last year??" hits me, but overall those happen less.
There have been some very good interactions with my W, but perhaps the most serious ones have revolved around her mental health. She has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. She begins counselling for this tomorrow. It's an arduous process, which I wish her the best of luck in. My kids truly need her to be healthy and in a better place. My children remain very confused and frustrated. They are also doing IC. The BPD diagnosis isn't a scapegoat for me, but it helps me to understand. Unfortunately looking back I wish we had managed her mental health much better.
She keeps sending me articles about BPD, but sometimes I feel like the diagnosis is not an excuse for an affair. She truly feels she hasn't even had an affair, and still blames me for the destruction of our marriage. However, she did send me a screencap of a conversation she had with a friend, where she talked about feeling bad for blaming me for everything and making me out to be a horrible person, and that she was finally ready to mourn the loss of her marriage. This surprised me, like she didn't realize what her actions would lead to. I was confused by this incredibly. The up and down and back and forth are part of the push pull cycle with BPD I am learning.
I am just continuing on the pathway to self enlightenment. Staying busy with my kids and friends. I am ready to move forward with or without her. I'm doing as much as I can to work on me. Who knows what the future holds, except for what I would like it to hold
